hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
