from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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