Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
