My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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