You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
