Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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