you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
