swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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