Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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