i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
