no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sext me about skeletons
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize