just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
