Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
