You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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