Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He called his prostate his "boner button".
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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