pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize