A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This is my gift to your gina
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
