I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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