I accidentally burped into my bong.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
