Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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