My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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