i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
