Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
