so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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