Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
