you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
