happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
