I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Randomize
