Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize