every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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