she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
