LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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