Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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