Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
