Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize