Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
