We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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