I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
