he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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