I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
