my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
