At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Are we still banned from the library?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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