lets start a swedish sibling band together
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize