Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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