Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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