I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
