So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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