I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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