its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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