so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
