The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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