evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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