No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
