Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
