i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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