dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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