Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
