making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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