so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
