she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
