I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
