I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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