You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
