I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
