k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
