I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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