i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
