Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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