don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
