Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I pour the whiskey from now on
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
