After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
