They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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