I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize