well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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