If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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