can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
