there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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