She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
