Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize