Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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